Day 10: Something Amazing Happened Today

First off let me start by saying that I have no luck with guys. The situation is always the same. We flirt, we spend time alone when we're with a group of friends, he texts me a lot. I always think he's SO close to asking me out and then... Either nothing happens, or he asks someone else out.
Today he asked someone else out. My friend Annie, who is twenty pounds heavier than me. TWENTY POUNDS. That's right folks. Twenty whole pounds. And she's a size 4. SIZE 4. I'm a size zero. And she's kind of annoying. But today when she came up to me in the locker room and said "Sam asked me out!" I could feel my heart plummet. But, by now I've learned to keep a happy face, so I just smiled while my mind reeled.
First of all, allow me to acquaint you with Sam. I don't have a crush on him, but he's one of those boys that has always acted like he likes me. He once did ask me out, and for four days our plans were just the two of us, and then at the last second he invited all of our mutual friends. First he checked with me, but of course I said he could invite them all! What was I supposed to say? Also, he's cute. And those are the only reasons I ever had any inkling of attraction for him: He's cute and he's expressed faint interest in me before.
What is wrong with me, you ask? Well that's a whole other can of worms that I'm not sure I ever want to open.
So Sam asked Annie out. I celebrated with her, then went to practice and felt like shit, then came home and felt like shit. Then my mom offered me some vegetarian lasagna.
I almost caved. I really did. I ate a few bites, but then I stopped myself.
What the hell am I doing? I asked myself. Was I really going to let mildly-attractive Sam's quasi-rejection of me drive me to a binge? Was I really going to let him have that kind of power over me?
NO.
So I'm still here, wondering why I don't have a boyfriend, generally hating my life. But, I'm also barely over my quota of 500 calories for the day. It's too early to call today a success, but I wouldn't call it a failure either.
Now all I need is a boyfriend. I'm not even going to lie to myself: I know that my self confidence hinges dangerously on boys' attraction to me. I don't care. I need a goddamn boyfriend, I'll worry about why when I'm older and expected to act mature (maybe not even then).